Love is all you need; along with some business skills…

Namaste lovely audience

Today was my last sculpture class at Capilano University. 

Even though I am sad that it had to come to an end, it is also one step closer to my journey of being a yoga instructor up in the big wild north. 

Scary really- there are so many little decisions that need to be made- hopefully I make the correct ones, so that I will be coming back to Vancouver in the fall with a happier bank account so I don’t have to eat rice crackers and apricot jam everyday while I attend art school, that is if I even get accepted. 

asdfghdjgfkdjghgfjadgihreourgikjnvvcxjhkfkiagfuohagfkljh;ljasiggjskfjglkvnasshgigisg;skh;lkjgshakaflkag;lkjgairihannceao;ikndgjajd. 

My brain is full of anxiety. 

a good night’s rest and a morning class of yoga shall help unravel things a bit for me tomorrow. 

I have been in contact with people up north- trying to make the magic happen. 

Sending good vibes to my higher self tonight, no matter what happens, I will make things work… Someway – I am hoping my summer will be prosperous and positive. 

One thing I love about myself tonight is: I am living my dream. 🙂 

 

Om Shanti, Om Peace 

 

xx 

 

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Asian Salad and Immaturity.

Enough is enough.

I am very disappointed in the hypocrites tonight.

There are days when I miss when I was in highschool… 

Just kidding. 

What I learned whilst becoming a yoga instructor has taught me many things- I won’t go all  preacher on your asses tonight.

(Just letting my inner Peer Counsellor have a few words tonight…)

 I am becoming more and more intolerant of the lack of maturity and just plain rudeness that I come across daily. 

Especially on social media sites.

It makes me cringe at how nasty and cruel people can be- especially those who look down upon someone for “bullying” people. 

Harassment, insults, etc. 

I shake my head at this- for really if you have an issue; there are people to talk too… 

But yet I do know the feeling of being alone and unheard; reaching out to anybody who will support me. But that doesn’t mean I support people bashing others- its amazing many of these people behind these statuses would never utter these words for example in front of a whole soccer team, a teacher, or a coach. 

But shockingly, I come across many hurtful people who wouldn’t even think twice about shouting it out over the radio. 

As I became more comfortable with my journey in connecting my values with Ashtanga Yoga values- I became more and more sensitive to the negativity that suffocates my life. I became over stimulated with society, and all the hatred and hypocrites. 

But I also found compassion for the humans behind the hateful words and actions. 

It really makes my head spin when I see the battles that take part over twitter, facebook, blogs, etc. 

During my journey in becoming a Yoga Instructor I have also learned about letting go of the need for defence. 

I highly respect someone who stands up for their values- But I do not support “fighting fire with fire”

To put a fire out- you simply give it no fuel to survive. 

No oxygen. 

Fire Blanket. 

No response to the hatred. 

You get what I mean. 

The people who read this blog will probably not be the ones who I am so disappointed in. 

But that’s okay- 

The people who find themselves constantly defending themselves, their decisions, or people they respect….

Those are the people that I am hoping will read this blog. 

As hard as it is- let this sour taste wash away like the hawaiian surf. 

Let the hard done by be hard done by, for if they really wanted to make change they live in a country where you can speak your mind and make change. 

and for pete’s sakes don’t even dare say you don’t know how. If you have a beating heart you know how to make change, for better or for worse. 

I understand your frustration- but spouting out on facebook, creating an army of negative energy will get you no farther than before the thought was conceived in your mind. 

Tap into love, tap into gratitude for what you have already, and make plans to reach the goals you want to accomplish. 

I am not trying to smack every negative nelly on the wrist with a ruler- I am just writing a blog post about what I have observed tonight, and how thankful I am that I am not swimming in the pool of acid that I once called high school anymore, that I do not have to face these people, that I have a choice to socialize with healthy people with healthy values, and no need to bring others down to make a point. 

Tell me if I am correct here: Is it bullying when you make fun of someone’s disabilities? 

Yes. 

Is it bullying when you post a status- targeting a sports team, coach, or specific teacher just because you are unhappy you did not get something that maybe they got? 

I believe so. 

I witnessed on my facebook tonight as I scrolled down- Someone had posted “I wish [Specific gym teacher/coach] would let us go to Hawaii instead of being so god damn weird.”

-This is the kerosene that many people decided to soak facebook with. 

This may be a harmless little temper tantrum- but what it gives birth too I strongly think is bullying. 

This opens up a cesspool- if one person opens up a wound, everyone else begins tearing off their deepest, crustiest scabs…

Including this comment: “or maybe if [gym teacher/coach] wasnt half jew”

The firewood. 

and there are many other comments to follow that make this into a whole forest of negativity. 

I’m sorry. Did this facebook user just use the term “Jew” as a put down? 

So disgusted in humanity right now, and I am not even Jewish. 

Let’s hope you will not become a member of parliament, or even worse, the Prime Minister in our future.

So what if the faculty member in question is Jewish. ( I don’t know, neither do you, it’s really none of our business ) 

We don’t diss people by calling them Christians do we? 

How about Catholics, 

Mormons,

Buddhists, 

Atheists, 

 

remind me what century we are in? 

Maybe this is the feminist in me- but this was also targeting a soccer team of talented young women. 

Majority of the hateful comments were from young men. 

Jealously perhaps? 

Of course. They have something that the very angry young man doesn’t. 

What I find highly frustrating, especially in the teenage culture is that when something is out of reach- many decide to bitch and complain. While the few who are above that decide to make things happen, sidestepping the need for venting on Facebook. 

So unhappy young man- if you so happen to come across this here is what I propose to you. 

Sure you stand up for some people. 

Sure you are not playing soccer in Hawaii right now. 

Here is what you could be doing. 

Creating, brainstorming, stepping up to the plate, and if this is your graduating year, then creating a legacy for ones younger than you. 

Go talk to the principal. 

Got funding issues? 

Hold a meeting with PAC. 

Hold a meeting with District of Fort St. James. 

Be mature, and be open to the most likely possibility of working your knuckles to the god damn bone to get what you are fighting for. 

Sure the senior girl’s team went on an extravagant trip this year. 

BUT.

I am sure they did not sit on their butts, just waiting for someone else to pick up the pieces and fly them all to the land of sunshine. I would love to interview the coach, interview the team captains, interview the parents. They worked hard. 

I was also on sports teams that worked their asses off fundraising- including other groups, not just sports….

Is it the lazy male teenager personality to blame? 

Who knows. 

But I do know it makes me very unsettled when I see shit like this on my timeline.

 

• (Soccer Player) Maybe if you guys could keep a team and win a few games you could go to an actual tournament?

  Saturday at 10:37pm via mobile · Like · 5

  Okay- you’re defending your team and coach and everything you have worked for. 

  (Fellow soccer players liked this comment)
•  

  (Facebook User who started this all with the status) Or he didn’t cancel our teams and actually put an effort towards help funding. (Really? You are going to blame the gym teacher, when the reason you cancel a team is when there is lack of commitment coming from the players… P.S. hmm funding comes from the community- not the gym teacher/head of athletic dept….)

  Saturday at 10:40pm via mobile · Like · 1
•  

   

  (yet another young man) HA because you guys win games. We all know why you’re in hawii.

  (Oh tell me, facebook user, why are the girls in Hawaii?, maybe because they want to be… right? Because they are young, and having fun… I could be completely wrong. But I do know this isn’t the Fifa world cup mister. Who cares if they win or lose a few games. Remember this is high school… I don’t see anyone calling the travel club a bunch of Jews… the kids paid their way. End of story.)

And if that means a soccer team for boys well then- you better look back at your teammates, and put some of your time spent on calling the coach a weird jew into more productive things. 

Have you thought about why you goal has been difficult to reach? 

Do you have to be reminded that even with lots of money spent- if no one shows up to practice- the way some teams contemplate skipping their own prom and graduation for provincials, then there will be no team. 

Fort St. James is dominated by male hockey players. 

Boy’s soccer season clashes with Boy’s hockey season. 

So really- you needed to target your fellow teammates rather than pinning your hatred and negative energy on the opposite sex – who’s soccer season is the opposite of hockey season. 

Need I say more? 

And for the young women defending their territory on facebook. 

You are simply the match to this Forest Fire- and I am sure I am not the only Smokey Bear rolling their eyes and counting my lucky stars that I survived high school and made it out alive only with a few scars and a couple months of therapy. 

Let this go. 

Both of you. 

For this will resolve NOTHING. 

 

Om Shanti Om Peace- show each other compassion and love. 

Have empathy for the ones who have less than you, and have gratitude for the things you have. 

If you did this in the first place, my blog post would of been about how my favourite meal is Asian Salad at the moment. 

Did I mention how glad I am that I survived my time in hell? 

So much nicer being graduated. 

It’s like being taken off the butcher hook and put back out into the green pasture- to find new friends to frolic with that won’t destroy me and my self respect, values, or brain cells… 

Love is all you need. 

 

 

One thing I love about myself: My sense of empathy and compassion, but also my intolerance to bullshit. 

 

Goodnight lovelies 

xx 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Charlie Horses and Yogis. (Or Yoginis, in my case)

Sorry my dear audience. For I have not made your mailbox ‘ding’ in the past few days… 

Here; 

Let me catch up..

One thing I love about myself today is: (March 14, 2013) I can’t really remember if anything really stuck out for me- Oh yes actually… I gave my bank account a good right hook at Opus. I fed my Silkscreen curiosity by buying special inks. Now I am one step closer to turning my bedroom/studio into a SILKSCREEN GENIUS FACTORY. 

One thing I love about myself today is: (March 15, 2013) Totally love how my butt looks in my blue yoga capris. I truly do feel beautiful working up a sweat at the yoga studio. I must remind myself that leggings are more flattering than sweatpants… Daily. 

One thing I love about myself today is: (March 16, 2013) I survived a morning Hot Core Yoga class… the instructor had abs you grate cheese off of, and chose to play Led Zepplin. Not sure if she noticed my lack of ab strength as I drowned in my sweat. Every time I looked between my legs whilst in  downward facing dog I got a glimpse of this middle aged man just rocking every asana as if it was peanuts; he then added a headstand or two, because you know, that’s what people do on Saturday mornings. Almost did a face plant during downward facing dog from all the sweat I was producing. (ahem, any man who is cringing- women have sweat glands too) BUT I DID NOT GIVE UP.

 

Happy St. Patty’s day – as a ginger- I actually did not get pigeoned-holed into irish jokes- first time in a long time I must say. I even wore green to my yoga class- nobody knew it was my sleep shirt… it wasn’t that obvious. 

All my other green clothing- including the green underwear I usually save for this specific day- was in the laundry basket. 

Today was Vinyasa Flow class- and lets just say- these past few days of yoga are catching up to my quads. The class started out pretty strong- I was confident- until it came to the deep warrior two lunge. I usually do these no problem but today – I exhaled going deeper into the lunge then all of the sudden. 

CHARLIE HORSE. 

not just a “he he he I just punched you in the leg” 

no 

it was a 

MAN DOWN MAN DOWN MAN DOWWWWN 

MEDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC. 

I was frozen in pain, trying not to fall over and swear while rolling into a ball. 

I slowly came out of the pose- trying to look all composed while really inside all that I could process was…

JESUS MURPHY. 

no

really it was FUCK. 

But if you imagine a ginger screaming “JESUS MURPHY” in an irish accent; it really is entertaining. 

it was a series of asanas- so from the lunge we then bent even deeper, resting our upper bodies on the floor while in the lunge- then slipped arm under leg and then do this twisty thing and become a magical pretzel.

I should know the sanskrit term- but I was so focused on the silent screams my legs where emulating my mind was not functioning correctly. 

I recovered

eventually. 

the class went well- though my left quad reminded me throughout the rest of the session to not push it. 

Even as I sit on my bed typing on my laptop- my quad is growling at me. 

like a very very very pissed off cat. 

Tomorrow is my last class of Silkscreen at ECUAD. *sad face* 

One thing I love about myself today is: I love how I feel when I take care of my body and mind. IBS and Depression side effects seem to go away when I step onto my yoga mat. The studio has now become my Oasis. 

 

Goodnight Lovelies xx 

 

 

Stepping out of my comfort zone- one sweat droplet at a time.

More wet grey downpour.
Chiropractor appointment.
Referral to physiotherapy.
Breakfast.
Nap.

Lay in bed kicking myself for being so useless. (I do this every time I end up napping mid day)

Pay admission fees for university application.
Realize I have only until the end of March to complete any old assignments as well as get my first aid.
Mild panic attack.

Inspirational phone call from mom.

Find myself booking a hot yoga class at Yogapod.

Did I mention I had a fear of hot yoga?
I needed to get six more community classes under my belt before the end if March- for yoga teacher training; this assignment was put on hold because of my back injury until recently and this hot yoga class popped up.
Being double jointed I had a fear of hyper extending something in a room of high temperatures, and I had heard that hot yoga wasn’t the best for IBS.
I kept putting off trying hot yoga because of these, and many other fears. But tonight I decided to screw the comfort zone and throw myself into this sweaty, muscle burning adventure to escape the dreary grey days of Pineapple Express- Vancouver style.
I must say I enjoyed the class, I felt the instructor created a safe space, and even though I was intimidated by the advanced yogis surrounding me-I did what I could, listening to my recovering back injury.
It was nice really, to do yoga even though it was for homework – I was able to tap back into yoga without anxiety, away from the classroom setting.
The only thing I didn’t really prepare for was the amount of sweat – amazing what the body can do, but it made my yoga mat more of a slip n’ slide, making downward facing dog more challenging than usual.
I left the class feeling amazing, energized and refreshed.
I definitely will be doing another hot yoga class soon.

One thing I love about myself today is: I stepped out of my comfort zone when I was ready – today I learned I liked something completely new- and I wouldn’t of known that unless I hadn’t stepped out of my comfort zone.
I’m pleased with myself.

Goodnight lovelies xx

Today I got hit by a cat falling from the sky.

It’s raining cats and dogs here. I’m serious, it’s just mind blowing- for a northern kid like me- its rather exciting to wear gum boots and my new rain jacket- it’s rarely justifiable to wear a rain jacket every day in Fort St. James (my homeland)
I do go a bit crazy after a few days of rain – the lack of sunlight gets to me.
But I am trying to embrace the rain- and having a bright purple jacket just makes it much more special.
Being dry and waterproof helps when trying to enjoy the temperate rainforest climate.
So yesterday I did not write a post- I came home from art class so hungry even my arm was looking appetizing – so I made some pasta sauce to go over gluten free pasta, watched an episode of Elementary, then collapsed into my bed and passed out.
I wanted to mention that I am looking for a old kitchen table- I want to make it into a silkscreen table- preferably one that is collapsible – so I don’t drive my family completely crazy with all my art stuff when I move back up north in the summer.
So anybody who is looking at their kitchen table- waiting for an opportunity to go to ikea and buy your dream table- email me for I will take it off your hands.
One thing that I love about myself today is:– my Opus apron that I now live in.

I’m totally digging sculpture class- hopefully I will be accepted into the Studio Arts program at Capilano University- so I can spend more time experimenting and immersing myself in art. So far I’ve had excellent Continuing Education instructors both at ECUAD and Cap.
Today I went grocery shopping- and not much else. Frustrating really- I want to be more productive during my day.
Though I must say- I try to do a few sudoku puzzles everyday.

Did I mention that my final project for silkscreen class is a cartoon if grumpy cat?

One thing I love about myself today is- I was once given a comment about my shoulders, I never really looked at my shoulders before, as something that is pretty to look at, but glancing at the mirror while taking off my sculpture clothes and putting on my fat pants (sweat pants) and a baggy shirt- I try to look at my body like an artist would- I try to see my body as a form, like i was going to draw a figure drawing. Shoulders are such a beautiful part of a woman’s body; the strength intertwined with beauty that runs along the shoulder blades and collarbone, how the muscles and tendons gently wrap the shoulder joints. From any angle- I found I was finding beauty in my shoulders, upper chest, and upper back. I did not think about bingo arms, back fat, or chubby arms- I looked past that, seeing in a metaphorical way how strong my shoulders are, how much weight they have carried and still carry today. How without my shoulders I would not be able to create the art work that I do; I would not have the strength to carry gallons if paint and large canvases home over transit. They are broad, not to muscular, double-jointed, and have a few freckles on the tops from summers of the past, i love them, and plan to do many sketches in front of the mirror.

Goodnight lovelies, xx

Food diary, library, and male anatomy….

Yes. You read that right.

So today I went for a morning walk to pick up more Bio-K plus and soy/almond/hippie yogurt- while I was wistfully making moony eyes at the Joe Fresh skinny jeans that come in all the colours of the rainbow… I stumbled upon the stationary department. What do people do when they want to lose weight? Oh that’s right ! Food diary!
Today I kept tracked of all my meals and snacks and made sure to write down the calories when I could. I don’t really know the whole shtick about calorie counting- so I guess that shall be my next step.
I didn’t even go into the market to get my favourite cookies- almond macaroons… I spent my afternoon at Emily Carr Library instead doing art homework. And really what appetite I did have was soon demolished and replaced buy a big question mark when the girl ahead of me asked me a question about the photocopier. ( I was standing in line to use it after her) –
So here I am waiting and pick up quickly that she is puzzled. I offer my help and she asks about some contrast question. I asked what she was copying – no answer. I just assumed she didn’t hear me, so I stepped back and waited my turn, but while doing so- she lifted the photo copy lid and I can’t help but glance at the piece of paper.
Like a tea party, or a country picnic- these medium sized penises (testicles included) pranced all about the page. I could feel my right eyebrow lift as my mind tried ever so hard to process what I had just seen.
Had it been in Highschool and it was a guy- I would of blamed it on immaturity and curiosity- but this was at Emily Carr university of art and design, in the library, and this was a young woman.
Sure- women can be curious too- but curious enough to be making photocopies of your penis doodles?
Was this a homework assignment ?
What spurred her mind to bring her to spend time and ten cents a sheet at the photocopier to do… Well a study of male anatomy?
She seemed oblivious to my presence – lifting her drawing up to the light- to examine her noodle doodles- focusing in on the head of the specimens and commenting about lack of contrast.
Trying to look anywhere but at the penis poster I settle my eyes back on the photocopier.
That’s when she pulled out her other drawing- smaller, multiplied penis doodles – my mind immediately tried once again to justify this fascinating woman and her penis doodles. My first thought was – Cool, she must of used photoshop! – then I again refocused my eyes on what the objects really were…
Then I began comparing the objects and the placement with things I see everyday. I thought to myself- ” why they look like raindrops!”
Each time my mind mentally smacked itself – reminding myself that now when ever I see or experience these things that I am comparing this family jewels portrait too – I will have penis on the brain.
Well that’s just- fucked up to hell and back isn’t it? So now I have to write about it!
I have never written a blog on penises before, but I just can’t not write about what I experienced.
It’s just too awesomely strange. It’s a must share adventure.
My mind hopped back and forth trying to find a reason for her illustrations of man’s other brain… It first went to ” that’d make interesting end pages in a book”
I shook my head…. Sally what the hell are you thinking.
I stepped back, and leaned casually against the opposite wall trying to convince my mouth that now is not the time to twist into a “I just saw something ridiculously funny and I don’t know what to think of it smile”
– homework?
– prank?
– sex maniac?
Maybe she’s just special.
Everybody is special in there own way I guess. And who am I to judge?
I wouldn’t of minded if she gave me a copy of her noodle doodles- I would put it up on my wall, maybe put it on the fridge, you never know, endless possibilities! because you know what? Life’s too short to be tight assed with no sense of humour. And she has some big balls (or many multiple small sets of them to be correct) to create those doodles.
Maybe once I start attending art school full time my lack of sleep will push my artistic gears in my head into dick-ville…
So thank you random girl with the noodle doodles for giving me a smile today. And I hope you enjoy those drawings and make something super awesome with those uh, lovely realistic renditions of your take on man.

She probably has a very conceptual and creative and maybe even political symbolism to pair with the little dudes- but frankly- I was too shy, or maybe still a bit shocked, to ask.

-ONE THING I LOVE ABOUT MYSELF TODAY IS: my ability to find humour in even the most strangest things.

Oh and my invention of “noodle doodle” 😉

Goodnight lovelies! Xx

How many letters in the alphabet? – Self love and mirrors.

Greetings- 

I have a confession to make… 

So my driver’s license says I am a mere 110 pounds. 

I giggle at this because when I registered for my license I was asked how much I weighed, and frankly I had no clue- I’ve never had a scale, and the last time I was weighed while at the doctor’s I remember blocking out the number. 

I knew I was not 110 pounds thats for sure. 

I remember the kind smile the lady gave me, chirping “you don’t look over 110 pounds!”

Sure, lets put 110 pounds on my license.

I would like to say weight has never been an issue in my life, but that would be lying, and of course I am not a lier. Right?

Just don’t look at my license.

I have always found it stupid to obsess over a number. Who cares what the scale says if you’re healthy, fit, and happy? 

Well- here is the kid who never weighs herself- struggling with health, fitness and happiness. 

Go figure. 

Since graduating from high school and moving to Vancouver, I have struggled with my weight. Here is a few reasons I think why, well how about an alphabet of reasons why…

A. Everything is expensive as fuck in Vancouver. – $20 dollar yoga class- WHAT?

B. I am not that talented that I can qualify for a college/university/rec sports team- anybody who says otherwise just be quiet- I know this. I would be beaten alive on a college basketball court. Don’t try and be nice while I’m having an honest moment with myself.

C. Fast Food. NOM NOM NOM. – even if it is just an “occasional french fry” it adds up…

D. North Vancouver is pretty much one big hill- not the greatest motivation for knee/back injury…

E. My landlord and roommate are very kind people who make me cookies, squares, and cook very high carb, high fat. -I grew up with vegetables from the neighbour’s garden…So I think my metabolism went into shock after the first sunday of fried eggs and bacon.

F. Anti-depressants and Birth control are known to contribute to weight gain. 

E. I don’t have a dog to run with. 😦 

F. All these Lululemon tight assed women jogging on the seawall are downright intimidating. There. I said it. 

G. Running in a city- so not my forte. 

H. My workout clothes now make me look down right ghastly. 

I. Concussions and hyper mobility really hold me back from trying new sports.

J. I can be lazy- somedays my lunch will include cookies with apricot jam. I like apricot jam okay?

K. Depression really makes it hard to motivate yourself at times. 

L. IBS attacks during yoga class- embarrassing and awkward. Not to mention panic attack inducing when the only bathrooms there are public ones with no privacy.

M. Can I blame the winter season? Sure. Why not. That rain was very discouraging.

N. Men found me attractive, – weight not as big a deal when hitting on women as it was in High school it seems? Who knows. Maybe I just met mature gentlemen in Vancouver, who like curvy women.

O. I didn’t realize how much weight I gained until it was too late- yoga school added with constantly wearing yoga pants makes you think you look FINE. 

P. Lemon Squares

Q. Baggy Tops- my shield from my self criticism about my muffin top.

R. Only having evening classes – no routine – 3 am bedtimes, etc.

S. Corn chips. Damn bastards.

T. Eating the same amount as when I was training for half marathons… And not training for half marathons… Oops.

U. Being a lazy teenager.

V. Reassuring myself that yoga was enough. 

W. Blaming my tummy fat on bloating from IBS. (most likely is both)

X. Not getting a monthly wax – I can’t afford it anymore now that I live in the city… But it was a real confidence booster- no matter how painful it was. -anyone who gets waxed will understand!

Y. I’m not as stressed or depressed as I was, which means I am eating more.

Z. I keep comparing myself to myself a few years ago- a very sick, unhappy girl who struggled with eating anything. I thought I was fat then! Jesus. 

Even with this whole boat load of excuses- I still want to try to get back in shape. 

About a month ago I injured my back- inflamed disc and sciatica. 

Once again I had to be weighed- and oh dear god I did not like the number that popped up on the scale. 

For months I kept telling myself- I’ll start tomorrow. 

Hah, of course that never happened. 

It is March now- and I am at the point where I am sick of the sight of my body.

It is like one big “to-do list” that well, has been put off.

Your body is your temple right? 

Well- this temple had been on the back burner for way too long. Now it has weak beams, dull wallpaper, dirty dishes, and a thicker middle. 

I have recently finished my Yoga teacher training- and while I am happy I have completed that adventure- I feel I am left like a bit of a poser. 

I try to teach my students self acceptance when I myself struggle with the concept. 

My roommate used to laugh at how I would gently bring my students into a deep meditation, using positive affirmations, always repeating the need for loving yourself. 

This cool, calm, self loving yogini who is flexible yadda yadda yadda- yeah my Roommate saw right through that. 

There are things I love about me, of course there is. 

My tummy- is not one of them. 

Everybody has there hangups- so really I don’t expect this post to get many views, 

I expect it to get the occasional scroll down, a sniff, and then back to youtubing cat videos. 

But that is not the reason I chose to write this. I am experimenting. Maybe if I document my progress- it will be easier to stay on track? 

We will see. 

Tonight I made a “Fitspiration” board on Pinterest- it is still in the works- but I read an article in Cosmopolitan magazine about how detrimental this new trend of “thinspiration” boards really is. That unachievable image of thigh gaps, collarbones, and huge knockers. 

I want my students to know that i am human, personable, and not egotisical. But really- couldn’t I be a little bit more of a better person than I already am? 

Like- Can I be able to wear all of my jeans? Not just my fat pant jeans? 

I want to become a role model for my students- and honestly it wouldn’t feel right to campaign for self love when I furrow my brows every morning at the full length mirror when I step into the shower. -Note to self. Don’t install a mirror at that angle- very unflattering if you’re not in shape. 

I struggle with negative thoughts. So really this could not be as big of a deal as it seems to be, but for me it is a big deal at the moment, because when my confidence level is up- my depression level goes down, my ibs symptoms go down, and my happiness becomes an everyday event. That would be a nice thing. 

To the jeans that now sit ever so lonely in the back of my closet. Waiting for me to get my ass in gear and do something, I will be wearing you eventually- because I can’t afford to buy bigger clothes. I’m too cheap and stubborn to do that.

I’ve also been saving my gift cards from friends and family I got during the Christmas holidays because I would keep telling myself- You can buy new lingerie when you’ve lost a few pounds. 

Well, I would like to have new underwear by my next birthday. Go ahead and laugh- but when you’re rocking beautiful awesome underwear- not to mention matching- You feel pretty damn special.

Was that TMI? 

Too bad. 

So I don’t have a diet plan, I don’t have a fitness plan, at least not one that is written on some website or found in a running magazine. 

I plan to: 

eat right

exercise more

and begin to love myself a little more every day- every single flaw included! 

This is not just another attempt to lose weight- it is more. To live the life I want to live- I have to learn how to love myself, and accept what the universe has given me in this lifetime. – That does not mean I will quit shaving my armpits or tattoo a third eye on my forehead. Friends and family- do not worry. I am just trying to become the best possible me I can be. 🙂 

That’s my plan. 

So. 

One thing that I love about myself today is: 

I completed an “extreme” level sudoku today. 

Actually I completed three of them. 

I love my smart moments.

 

Goodnight lovelies, 

 

P.S. here is my Fitspiration page on Pinterest!

http://pinterest.com/anniesgirl/fitspiration/

and my Fitness page for workouts and more inspiration- 

http://pinterest.com/anniesgirl/fitness/

 

xx