Stuck.

I recently went to connect with someone who I admire, someone who I appreciate seeing on my facebook timeline, and who I am amazed at her strength and sheer determination. It has taken me awhile to sum up the courage to make a deeper connection, a friendship, a real friendship, maybe.

And for the life of me, I cannot find her on my friends list, or on Facebook, for that matter. Assuming she has deleted her facebook, I go to her blog, “From A Cabin Up North” and see that she hasn’t posted since January, and with that post, she outlines similar feelings to what I feel.

The feeling of being, simply ‘Stuck’.

I myself, have been feeling stuck. A different kind of stuck, for I feel it is the ropes that bind my inner being that hold me back. Of course finances play a role in this as well, but something inside me if full of fear, full hesitation, full of question. Here I sit, beside the dog I am watching until Wednesday, feeling the anxiety start to pour in, like sand, slowly filling my body with dread. In the Klondike, in the Yukon, people are slowly becoming readjusted to the light, to the people, and to the need for money. It’s time to start thinking about how I am going to survive another winter up here. I look around and compare, compare with my brother, compare with my boyfriend, compare with my fellow 20 somethings out there who seem to be, well, just plunking along, either in school, or otherwise. And I wonder, “How do they do it?”

I have been told before, that I will have to do jobs that I may not exactly like, or enjoy, to pay the bills. I understand that, but how does one do a ‘shit’ job, when one struggles with convincing herself somedays that her life is worth living another day? Mental Illness can be a strength, but can also be an anchor that weighs down any sense of drive or desire. I have no desire to work a job that makes me miserable, as I feel that I was not put on this planet to simply pay bills. I have no drive to sacrifice the quality of my mental health to scrub toilets, deal with chaotic employers, just to then spend the few hours of the day that I have left counting my pennies and hiding beneath the sheets until the next time that I have to leave the house. Time that could be spent exercising, creating, yoga.

What I want is a healthy blend. A blend of work, art, and self-love. I know it is achievable, but HOW?

How does one do, create, and strive towards something that they believe is what they were put on this earth to do… A job, a career, a lifestyle, that you look forward to everyday (or 90% of the time). I am not asking for instant gratification, I am asking, how does one keep striving toward a goal without being discouraged by life itself?

I was SO excited to venture up north to attend art school. I had studied at schools in Vancouver, (Emily Carr, & Capilano), I worked hard to present a portfolio full of skill and desire to learn. And what I got from “art school” in the Yukon was not desire.

It was disappointment.

Disappointment in the school, in myself, in the curriculum, in the director, and in the direction that my mind and thoughts were going. I had let myself fall to pieces, my confidence sifting to the bottom, while anger, sadness, and exhaustion floated to the top.

I then proceeded to spend the following summer fighting with myself, willing myself, to create, to allow myself to create and to let go of the ideas and values that were placed on me at school, the critiques, the theories, the ignorance, I still am battling with the confusion I gained in the first year of Art School. I am still bitter at the money, the scholarships and bursaries, that were put towards a program that left me raging with anger rather than burning with desire to carry on with my education – They are gone. All gone. I spent countless hours sitting in the class studio fuming internally, observing the lack of organization, communication, and skill set being offered.  I came to school to learn, to practice, to create. What I found myself doing was stumbling into politics, anxiety attacks, and a feeling of despair. There was no discipline, no guidance offered in the 2D, 3D, and 4D courses. Myself, like others, felt like they deteriorated rather than grew, while at this institution.

So does one give up after a bad experience? No.

I truly do see that I need to make peace with my experience at Yukon School of Visual Arts.

Do I carry on, and apply to finish my Bachelor of Fine Arts?

Yukon School of Visual Arts has darkened my view of a career in the “Art World” – Do I really want to commit myself to endless hours of rejection, ramen noodles, and conceptual theory? And let’s be honest, hours of infuriating Bullshit?

Do I change my path, and follow other interests, such a wildlife management, first nations history and government, or archaeology?

When will I let the bitter taste leave my mouth, and allow myself to try again, stepping past the fear of failure and disappointment?

Don’t get me wrong, I am SO thrilled to be living in the Yukon, to have my darling apartment on the Dome Road, and to be surrounded by such inspiring people I have met since I have moved here. But how do I gain job security, knowledge, and desire once again?

I need/want a career.

Enough with the spring panic.

Advertisements

Experts sound warning on looming food crisis in the North

‘Nutrition transition’ creates health hazards
Panel member David Natcher, the director of the Indigenous Land Management Institute at the University of Saskatchewan, said much of the problem of food insecurity has to do with the logistical difficulties of getting healthy food to isolated northern towns.

“You can look at cost, for example,” he said, outlining how healthy food in a Yukon city like Whitehorse (population 27, 889) costs less than half what it does for a remote Yukon community like Old Crow (population 267.)

“The average cost of groceries for a household in Nunavut is approximately $19,700 per year, yet 49 per cent of Inuit in these regions earn less than $20,000 per year,” Natcher said. “Obviously if all of their income is going toward securing a healthy food basket, there are enormous challenges.”

One consequence of the high cost of food is that many families are forced to buy the cheapest food possible at stores, leading to what Kuhnlein calls “a nutrition transition.”

To read more – Click here

This article was originally published on April, 11, 2014 by Brian Platt.

foodinsecurity-march27-graph

KINNGAIT – Riding Light into the World –

6169_kenojuak_ashevak_the_enchanted_owl_1960

The Enchanted Owl by Kenojuak Ashevak

On my quest for finding and understanding First Nation and Inuit Art practices, I stumbled upon this magical documentary; Kinngait Riding Light into the World directed by Annette Mangaard. I have always been mesmerized by the unique and striking choices of subject, line, and use of colour found in Inuit art. In this short documentary, my love for carving, drawing, and especially printmaking was set on fire! I finished the documentary wanting more. Wanting to learn more. Wanting to experience more. I highly recommend this documentary I hope it leaves you just as inspired as I was after watching it! (for the second time 🙂 )

Take me to the Kinngait Studios!

16.LithoStudio

Set in the Canadian Arctic, this documentary introduces the many talented artists of the Kinngait Studios, and speaks about their role in the development and formation of Inuit Art.

To watch the trailer please click the link below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eq6yq_SCyOI

Originally known as West Baffin Eskimo Co-op Ltd., it is now locally known as Kinngait Co-operative. It is located in Cape Dorset, Nunavut.

Here is a picture of Kenojuak Ashevak located below.

Kenojuak01

To see some of the Kinngait Artist’s work click the link below.

http://www.dorsetfinearts.com

Featured in this film:

  • Kenojuak Ashevak
  • Arnaqu Ashevak
  • Shuvinai Ashoona
  • Jimmy Manning
  • Kavavaow Mannomee
  • Ohotaq Mikkigak
  • Tim Pitsiulak
  • Kananganak Pootoogook
  • Itee  Pootoogook
  • Annie Pootoogook
  • Terry Ryan
  • Pitaloosie Saila
  • Kakulu Saggiaktok
  • Ningeokuluk Teevee
  • Jutai Toonoo
  • Papiara Tukiki

Bananas? What the hell?

Picture a hamster, ginger colour, bulgy blue eyes, cute button nose, and little white whiskers frantically galloping in a rusty, squeaky hamster wheel. This ginger fur ball is in a furious hamster-like marathon, a never-ending marathon it seems, until it takes one step… Just one step out of line and soon tangles, in the most ungraceful way, ass over tea kettle, button nose now in the place its furry little rump should be, trapped in a carnival wheel of death spinning session.

My friend had a hamster like this one, his name was Earl. He’s now buried in a All Bran box in the front lawn. R.I.P. little man.

This is what I feel like when put under a stressful situation,

most recent stressful situation? One word:

China.

I grew up traveling, like a young ugly duckling following its smart mother, we migrated  religiously back and forth from B.C to Ontario. Planes and airports, the awkward security guard pat downs ( I have learned to skip wearing my cute low-rise jeans through security, yoga pants seem like such a better option to wear when your stuck in a starfish pose with a beeping baton thing and hands patting down suspiciously when you choose to wear denim with metal rivets, if you don’t care about this, or would like to delay time I’d recommend dressing up like Gene Simmons from KISS) anyways, airports became just another part of life. An exciting part of life because thus it meant that I was leaving my charming, sweet, *cough* *choke*… *hack* what the hell am I talking about? I was getting AWAY from my cage, my boredom, I would have the opportunity to immerse myself in a real CITY. That had subways (not the restaurant), 911, and I would be able to blend in, simply being…. Me.

I would get to see Toronto, Newmarket, Keswick, and many other places where my mom had pockets of family. Like mice, it seemed that when we went to one place, there would be more than one person to see at that place. Mom’s old highschool friends, Aunties, Uncles, Family friends, Grandparents… the list goes on. I appreciate how my mom made sure that her side of the family got to know her offspring no matter how weird we looked, (okay just kidding, I must admit we all were adorable little ginger pip-squeaks, but I did used to spell my name “SLLAY” and my uncle still addresses birthday cards that way to me ) If you know me personally, you may think I looked a bit weird in the beginning as well but hey. I’m just hoping it will pan out like the little ugly duckling’s life, unless he gets eaten, or maybe shot by some hunter, or maybe fly into an airplane propeller…. I’d just like to be a friendly swan that gets fed regularly by the old lady down the street, maybe chase some kids through a cemetary, and poo on unsuspecting people’s lawns so when the bratty kids run and frolic through their sprinkler, they get a little goosey surprise between their toes. I don’t need to be laying any golden eggs, that’d be WAY too boring.

Hah, your probably thinking what kind of meds is this teenager on, and whats with the Bananas?

I got sidetracked thinking how fun it’d be to be a goose.

I think if I really let my imagination go uncensored it’d have more twitter followers then Gaga and the Beibs COMBINED. What was I talking about? Ah, yes, airplanes and such. So as I got older I slowly got opportunities to dip my toes into more advanced travels. First it was the United states with Girl Guides. OH? So you recognize me now? The little ginger stuffed in a navy blue outfit trying to suck all the money out of you by simply saying ” Would you like to buy some girl guide cookies?” with that cheeky oh so cute smile all girl guides are trained to use on victims, er… Customers. Oh my gawwd as you can seen the hamster in my mind is now ass over tea kettle so bear with me as my mind vomits out thoughts and things that I thought sounded cool in my head but now look like utter rubbish. Funny how that happens a lot to me.

If the travel bug was a vampire you could say Edward Cullen definitely attacked me. I’m very sure of it. I just was already plagued with pasty skin and cold hands. For all you Twilight fans that is the closest your going to get to experiencing a Twilight moment on this blog. That book was not for me. Neither are guys who sparkle like my grade 2 nail polish in the sunshine. Last spring break I went to Greece and Italy with my school travel club, and I learned A LOT. Like for instance: Don’t wink at Italian boys unless you are prepared to have them turn around, come over, talk to you and soon end up asking for a kiss or climbing up to your hotel window…On the second floor. Hah I’ll sure be paying another visit to Sicily. Anyways it was also the colours, sights, history, and smells that really made traveling somewhat…Addictive you could say.

So when this Beijing student conference came up the Edward Cullen Traveling Bug in the back of my head squeaked “SAY YES”. Edward Cullen isn’t even that attractive, oh yeah, well he is only just a bug in my mind, okay moving on. But I always seem to forget…

How much I DISLIKE packing. I know its neccisary and such but really it is ridiculously well, ugh. I share this “ugh” passion with my mother who also likes traveling, but for the past week we both have been packing for she is off to Ontario for a mice reunion and myself off to Beijing. Were both gone for the same amount of days, but she booked her flights on Westjet, so at least her flight will be comfortable, while myself will be rockin’ out on good ol’ Air Canada. Hello crusty tiny seats for 15 hours!!! Can’t you tell I’m so excited???

Little hamster is now feeling seasick and going “OOoooooOOooooo” while being flopped around like a toddlers toy in the hamster wheel. Lets hope Air Canada is a bit kinder then a hamster wheel. So this packing thing. A pain in the big old bumblebee. It takes up my time, I could have been blogging all week but now I’m cramming EVERYTHING into this one post before I leave for ten days. Creative eh?

So this hamster feeling I am hoping will go away once I am at least maybe oh, a few hours into my flight. I am going with two good friends and also a new possible friend from Vanderhoof. She’s ginger, so there is a pretty good chance we will click. *fingers crossed*

So after I get back I will most like have a camera exploding with pictures from my travels and will be sharing some of them with you guys. (It’d be pretty sad if no one was reading my blog, hah it’d actually be funny in a sad way, me being the only one reading my own blog thinking how cool it was) Well that was wishful thinking that it’s just not me who views this blog. I don’t really count as a reader anyways, I’m just the damn lousy writer!

So yeah the Bananas thing.

I changed the theme of my blog and yeah the Bananas came with the whole shin dig. Umm thought it was cute for the first 3 minutes then I wanted to change it. I have NOTHING against the yellow yummy snacks, they just, dont really work with my blog ,but I have been so busy with life that I havn’t gotten around to change it. Yes I have a life! It may not feel much like one at the moment but yes I do have a life and it seems way to busy for my liking at the moment. But then I’d be the kid complaining about having nothing to do so I guess it’s gotta be busy to feed the border collie personality I have. So just to all the people out there who are still reading, I congratulate you, you must have great patience and some weird curiosity. I like it a lot! If you can read this, then you are capable of having a conversation with a kid like me and not have to take an Advil after. That is an accomplishment.

So if your on a flight to Beijing this weekend and you see a ginger with a mop of hair and most likely attempting yoga on the airplane. That will be me, don’t be afraid to say hello, I may look like a lion when the humidity hits my hair but I don’t bite.

Left: Little Miss Westjet

Right: Little Miss Air Canada *Groooaaannnn*

At least the flight attendents are nice…

Sometimes…

I’m not exactly an ugly duck, nor a swan yet.

Maybe an awkward looking goose?

 

 

xx