An interesting way to spend my last night in Ontario… Locked outside…

so its 2:56 am and guess where I am?

think hard…

if you say Ontario, you are half correct. If you say she’s in Ontario, locked outside on the screened in porch of a friends house.. Then you are completely one hundred percent bingo on the dollar correct.

Don’t laugh at me, I didn’t mean to get locked out

maybe I’m not even locked out.I havent checked the doors in desperation. Part of me doesnt want to get excited about the chance of going back inside to a comfy bed and a toilet.. Oh did I mention I have to go pee?

So yes I havnt got up to check the door; it made a satisfying click while the host closed it, tuned off all the lights and went to bed I am pretty sure he dosn’t realise that one of his guests is outside on the screened porch…. so I mean really its like going up to an obviously pregnant lady and asking if she is pregnant.

I will kick myself if I later find out it is unlocked.

anyways I found a laptop outside and thought.

hmm I could make use of this solitary time to actually write about something since I havent  blogged in quite a while.

So it is my last night in Ontario,

what is the opposite of homesick?

Is there even a word for that?

because that is what I feel right now,

sadly I am pretty sure most kids are excited to come home see their friends,

party,

ya know

your average stereotype of a teenager.

well frankly my dear im not your average teenager,

one: I stand out like a black sheep at a dog show,

two: I’m one of those artist kids, so as you can see I was somewhat doomed  from ever being normal ever since I ditched the party in my mother’s womb.

but really why would you want to be ?, normal that is, I would never give up my artistic talents even if it meant that I could have an extra toe.

three: I have successfully locked out myself but I am too lazy to check the door to see if it’s actually locked. Maybe that is a normal teenage thing, not sure. Will have to check that one out.

So it is my last night in Ontario, every time I come back here to visit family and friends I always hate the time when it comes to say goodbye.

it’s a pang of sadness, knowing that it will probably be one or even two years until  I see them again. and it’s not like they are annoying or crazy… they are amazing people who are very hospitable.

So as I listen to crickets the thought struck me, why do I feel more at home when I am not at home?

like not the feeling of you know walking around in your underwear and hitting up the fridge at 2 in the morning.. that is different, I mean the feeling of acceptance, the feeling that you can just blend in, that there are people with more similarities then differences, and that you feel happy when your there.

people may think I am lame,depressed, or maybe just some retard you likes being locked outdoors… But it is true.

I am a retard that likes being locked outdoors…

Just kidding.

when I went to Kamloops to visit my father’s side of the family I felt at home there. the unconditional love and beautiful energy that surrounded you constantly was a wonderful reminder that these were your people. I do get that feeling from my immediate family and close friends at home but I don’t know,my town puts such a damper on things. Its like having a wet towel to dry off when you hop outta of the shower, it can really piss you off at times.

There is something howling in the forest now, so I might as well make myself comfy on the chaise lounge and enjoy the wilderness. Somehow I find that more awesome then getting dinky soaps that smell like a wet dog at hotels. So thank you Rick for locking me outside, it was a pleasent surprise and an excellent exuse to blog at an insane time. Sometimes retarded artistic abnormal teenagers need to be locked outdoors overnight. It can inspire them to write about stuff, and also confront their fears about being locked outside in the dark, becuase really, it wasn’t that bad.

xx

Macey, myself, and Spencer ( The host’s adorable dogs )

 

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Quiet before the storm (via bang | Photography) *A Window Into My Thoughts*

This is how my mind felt today. As if all the answers got up and walked out of my brain leaving me… well empty and useless. Frustrating? Of course it is. I usually feel like a failure. But also dosn’t not having the answer give you and interestingly satisfying feeling? This is where my mother would sigh and look at me making a joke about a past concussion or something witty. She has a knack for dissing I would not lie about this. My old english teacher would throw a pen at someone and make us do an essay on procrastination ( which yes, I have had to do…) and where fellow students would agree with me. An excuse to sit in class and think about things that are not on the top of your priority list is a wonderful thing.Or maybe they are on top of your priority list. Just they are not exactly rational. But to be able to separate yourself from the daunting task in front of you and stare into oblivion is quite a welcomed gift in my mind. To think about things that are much more I don’t know, theorectical then Stoicheometry? Maybe theorectical isnt the right word, maybe… more colorful more tactile more, well more letting your mind wander and not forcing it to do something. ( Can you tell that I’d do anything to get myself out of my Chemistry 11 class??) Some call it procrastinating, day dreaming, being lazy. What ever. This photograph illustrates this perfectly. Double block of chemistry, and all I wanted to do was to join my answers and every other educated thought… and walk out the door.

Quiet before the storm Quiet before the storm, originally uploaded by bang*. 146 / 365 A little moment of calm and quiet, pools of warming sunlight break the cold darkness of shadow while we await the noise & colour of the crowd. Fuji X100 … Read More

via bang | Photography