People can and do recover from Depression, and so can you (:

It’s no secret, and I’d rather not hide behind a mask.

So any family members reading this, don’t be shocked this is me just being me.

Maybe if I take the mask off it might help someone who is unable to face tomorrow.

Ever been depressed?

Its kind of like having your heart broken but a little bit more tragic, really no words can describe the pain you feel, personally I’d rather have my heart broken by some boy then feel like you’re disappearing into the shadows of your own life.

You lose control in a way, like you are trapped inside your body. Your thoughts are not your own it seems, they are scary, violent, twisted in ways.

People sometimes commit suicide because they don’t think they will ever escape that feeling. At one point I thought I wouldn’t escape either.

Interesting that they call it “committing suicide”. My thoughts on this, (or at least in my experience) it is not a commitment, it is a surrender. You are surrendering to the pain you carry within you.

You do not want to die, you just don’t want to live like that anymore.

Trust me, I know what that feels like.

I chose to write about this tonight is to make my voice heard, I am not trying to get attention but simply the opposite. I want to GIVE attention to a matter that people do not want to talk about. Hello, this is not the 1950’s. I am just a teenager, so why pay attention to me, well you are already reading so really, how long will this take out of you time? 10 minutes maybe? All I am asking you for is to listen to what I have to say and maybe it will change your thoughts about depression.

First of all, whether you know it or not, you probably know somebody who is affected by this mental illness. Some people choose to talk about it, while some keep it hidden. I used to keep it under wraps, but that did more harm then good in my situation.

Second of all, Depressed people ARE NOT SICKNESS-RIDDEN ZOMBIES so don’t treat them like one, because  really thats just cruel to do that to somebody.

Third of all, Depressed people are not just selfish childish human beings, telling them to “be a big girl now” does not help. Do you think I’d be crying if I could help  it? No. Have some compassion and empathy for these people.

Educate yourself whether you are a coach, teacher, friend, mother, father, goldfish. I don’t care how old you are or who you are. I am not speaking for all the depressed people in the world but there are triggers, there are days when its a struggle, and there are days when you feel like you’re doing okay. Its different for everyone, so that is why I think Depression should be treated like a sprained ankle, broken arm, or even a concussion. It is not something to be afraid of. Just because it may be a bit more tricky to deal with does not mean it should be kept a secret. Coaches know how to wrap a sprained foot, so why shouldn’t they know at least a few tips on how to coach a player with a mental illness. Even just saying “I am here for you” really is such a beautiful sentence to somebody who feels so lost. Picture this, you give a kid an ice pack for when she has twisted an ankle, think of giving empathy to a kid when she looks like she is struggling.

I used to hide from my friends and family but in the end I was so desperate for someone to talk to. This is me healing. For I would never had told a soul other than my close family about my Depression a few months ago…

I used to think my depression was my weakness, it was something to hide from friends, boyfriends, family, teams,etc. It was something to hate and to despise that I had it. But that took up so much of my energy there was no energy to live life the way i wanted to: True to myself. I felt like i was living a lie, unable to admit that I have a mental illness,  that has become a  great challenge for me. I am not saying I am completely healed, for I have a long journey ahead of me, but I will say that I have made progress.

For now I look upon my Depression as a strength.

A challenge that was not easy,

harder then any video game

no gold coins gained, just a lot of tears lost. But I am still alive, I have seen the darkest moments but I held on to the wisp of colour and life that was left inside of me, and like a seed, when you nurture it. It can grow into something beautiful.

Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. I truly believe that. And for all of you that are dealing with Depression. Hold on. Life has so much to offer, and don’t be afraid to ask for help, there are people that are there specifically for that. Mothers, Fathers, and if you can’t talk to them, go to friends, counsellors, a teacher, anybody. Because there are people out there that truly care about you so don’t feel like you are giving someone a burden.

take a few minutes out of your day and educate yourself.

http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/cd-mc/mi-mm/depression-eng.php

http://www.depressionhurts.ca/en/symptomchecklist.aspx?WT.srch=1&DCSext.srchsrc=Google&DCSext.sitetrg=&DCSext.loctype=search&WT.mc_id=FY12_DepressionSymptoms&WT.seg_1=symptoms%20depression&DCSext.adid=9085124190

http://www.depressionhurts.ca/en/recovery_journey.aspx

People can and do recover from Depression, and so can you (:

xx

 

(C)over Boy

bang | Photography



(C)over Boy, originally uploaded by bang*.

web | blog | facebook

Model : Jamie Wands-Murray (Maverick Models)
Photographer : Mark Ivkovic (moi!)

Leica CL 40mm f2
Kodak Tri X in D76 (standard)

Using the film cameras more and more for these shoots. Partly as I’m starting to trust that they still work and partly as I’m still in love with that little difference that the film look has.
I’m still running with the Film26 project, 26 two week periods of the year where we work through the alphabet for subject matter. You may now understand the title of the photo & this post.
I have to say I’m blown away by this little rangefinder. Previous to the CL I’ve used a rare (simply because they’re kinda worthless and mostly broken) Lordomat & a Yashica MG-1 (cheap as chips fixed lens “compact” rangefinder from the 60’s (ish).
Before you…

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Yazi Second Set

bang | Photography



Yazi, originally uploaded by bang*.

web | blog | facebook

I don’t usually make a habit of blogging over the weekend but seeing as I’m prepping for a rather busy one tomorrow I figured I’d put a little post together.
Also for those who haven’t made the jump there yet I’ve finally got myself a bang photography facebook page. Why not swing on over when you’re finished here and give me a little like love, thanks.
Plus if you’re wanting to see a little more of my recent work swing over the newly tarted up bang | Photography website and let me know your thoughts

A few more as promised from the portfolio shoot with Yazi.

Model : Yazi van Bathory
MUA / Hair : Yazi
Cleaver : Models own . . . . .
Photographer : Mark Ivkovic (That would be me again)

Yazi

Yazi

Yazi

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